Harry Mayer
The X.O.’s in the shower
and the Captain’s in his bed.
The Chiefs are playin’ poker
as we steam full speed ahead.
“I’ll take that bet and raise you,”
the old Bo’sun loudly says
from a table in the Chiefs’ Mess
as we steam toward the Med.
“From the Seychelles down to Mombasa
I have sailed the seven seas.
I tussled with the Tongans
and done what the Hell I pleased.
I rumbled with the Russians,
made war on Charlie Kong,
dumped a string of mines in Haiphong
and lived to sing this song.
I punched a bloke in Fiji,
then whacked him with my fid.
Fact, the only thing that scares me
is when the Ensign’s got the mid.”
The Ensign’s got the midwatch boys,
the Ensign’s got the mid.
Yes, the only thing that scares me
is when the Ensign’s got the mid.
“Relieve the watch,” is sounded
as he staggers from the head.
His eyes are red and bloodshot.
They call him Ensign Fred.
Now Freddie is a ring knocker,
Class of Twenty-One.
Commanded plebes one summer
and thought that it was fun.
A midshipman cruise through Naples
made him wise beyond his years,
but as anybody’ll tell ya,
he’s still wet behind the ears.
And to the bridge he rises
to conn the ship of steel.
He tries to look his wisest
but exudes youthful zeal.
The Ensign’s got the midwatch boys,
the Ensign’s got the mid.
Ain’t no need to worry now,
the Ensign’s got the mid.
He barks his orders smartly
as he turns the ship to port,
then checks his rudder angle
while he yells at Seaman Schwartz.
Now off the bow there shines
the faintest light at sea.
Perhaps a surface contact
at bearing two-two-three.
“Combat…Conn,” he pages,
“There’s a light that I now see.
But I have no radar contact
at bearing two-two-three.”
Down in Combat sailors snicker
for the answer’s very clear,
though the Ensign’s voice is quivering
they detect a trace of rising fear.
The Ensign’s got the midwatch boys,
the Ensign’s got the mid.
Tonight could be a long one boys,
the Ensign’s got the mid.
The light grows ever brighter
and larger as we speak.
Freddie calls the Captain now,
his voice begins to squeak.
“Oh Captain! Dear Captain!
There’s a light off our bow!
Oh Captain! Dear Captain!
The bearing it is foul!”
“Oh Captain! Dear Captain!
Please don’t think me rash,
but Captain! Oh God Captain!
I'm afraid we’re going to crash!”
“General Quarters! General Quarters!”
is what the captain screams.
“All hands to battle stations!
Brace for shock off starboard beam!”
The Ensign’s got the midwatch boys,
oh, the Ensign’s got the mid.
Now it’s time to worry boys,
the Ensign’s got the mid.
From forecastle to fantail
the decks become a blur of blue.
From their bunks the sailors scramble,
a trained and ready crew.
The X.O.’s in the shower,
slips and bumps his head.
The captain leaves his stateroom
half-awake and underfed.
To the bridge the captain races,
his face consumed with fear.
He knows the next few minutes
could mean the end of his career.
“Report!” the captain bellows,
“Is the surface picture bleak?”
The captain’s in his boxer shorts
with bedroom slippers on his feet.
The captain’s got the midwatch now!
Yes, the Captain’s got the mid!
Things are looking better boys,
’cause the captain’s got the mid.
The captain scans the ocean
with commanding, steady gloom.
He sees no hostile contact…
just a bright and rising moon.
“Oh Ensign, foolish Ensign,
just look what you have done.
You’ve sounded General Quarters
for the rising of the moon.”
From the bridge our heroes exit,
both the captain and the kid,
to discuss this revelation
and what the Ensign did.
The Captain says, “I’ve sailed through storms
and fierce typhoons at sea.
I’ve commanded ships in battle,
which is an awesome responsibility.
A naval officer requires
both confidence and grit.
Your word becomes your bond, my son,
so don’t be a stupid shit.
Be steady as an oak tree, lad,
cut strong and freshly hewn.
And never sound General Quarters
for a bright and rising moon.”
“Secure from General Quarters”
echoes through the ship.
“Now go and stand your watch, my son,
and no more drama on this trip.”
The X.O.’s back in the shower
and the captain’s back in bed.
The Chiefs are back to poker
as we steam full speed ahead.
and the Captain’s in his bed.
The Chiefs are playin’ poker
as we steam full speed ahead.
“I’ll take that bet and raise you,”
the old Bo’sun loudly says
from a table in the Chiefs’ Mess
as we steam toward the Med.
“From the Seychelles down to Mombasa
I have sailed the seven seas.
I tussled with the Tongans
and done what the Hell I pleased.
I rumbled with the Russians,
made war on Charlie Kong,
dumped a string of mines in Haiphong
and lived to sing this song.
I punched a bloke in Fiji,
then whacked him with my fid.
Fact, the only thing that scares me
is when the Ensign’s got the mid.”
The Ensign’s got the midwatch boys,
the Ensign’s got the mid.
Yes, the only thing that scares me
is when the Ensign’s got the mid.
“Relieve the watch,” is sounded
as he staggers from the head.
His eyes are red and bloodshot.
They call him Ensign Fred.
Now Freddie is a ring knocker,
Class of Twenty-One.
Commanded plebes one summer
and thought that it was fun.
A midshipman cruise through Naples
made him wise beyond his years,
but as anybody’ll tell ya,
he’s still wet behind the ears.
And to the bridge he rises
to conn the ship of steel.
He tries to look his wisest
but exudes youthful zeal.
The Ensign’s got the midwatch boys,
the Ensign’s got the mid.
Ain’t no need to worry now,
the Ensign’s got the mid.
He barks his orders smartly
as he turns the ship to port,
then checks his rudder angle
while he yells at Seaman Schwartz.
Now off the bow there shines
the faintest light at sea.
Perhaps a surface contact
at bearing two-two-three.
“Combat…Conn,” he pages,
“There’s a light that I now see.
But I have no radar contact
at bearing two-two-three.”
Down in Combat sailors snicker
for the answer’s very clear,
though the Ensign’s voice is quivering
they detect a trace of rising fear.
The Ensign’s got the midwatch boys,
the Ensign’s got the mid.
Tonight could be a long one boys,
the Ensign’s got the mid.
The light grows ever brighter
and larger as we speak.
Freddie calls the Captain now,
his voice begins to squeak.
“Oh Captain! Dear Captain!
There’s a light off our bow!
Oh Captain! Dear Captain!
The bearing it is foul!”
“Oh Captain! Dear Captain!
Please don’t think me rash,
but Captain! Oh God Captain!
I'm afraid we’re going to crash!”
“General Quarters! General Quarters!”
is what the captain screams.
“All hands to battle stations!
Brace for shock off starboard beam!”
The Ensign’s got the midwatch boys,
oh, the Ensign’s got the mid.
Now it’s time to worry boys,
the Ensign’s got the mid.
From forecastle to fantail
the decks become a blur of blue.
From their bunks the sailors scramble,
a trained and ready crew.
The X.O.’s in the shower,
slips and bumps his head.
The captain leaves his stateroom
half-awake and underfed.
To the bridge the captain races,
his face consumed with fear.
He knows the next few minutes
could mean the end of his career.
“Report!” the captain bellows,
“Is the surface picture bleak?”
The captain’s in his boxer shorts
with bedroom slippers on his feet.
The captain’s got the midwatch now!
Yes, the Captain’s got the mid!
Things are looking better boys,
’cause the captain’s got the mid.
The captain scans the ocean
with commanding, steady gloom.
He sees no hostile contact…
just a bright and rising moon.
“Oh Ensign, foolish Ensign,
just look what you have done.
You’ve sounded General Quarters
for the rising of the moon.”
From the bridge our heroes exit,
both the captain and the kid,
to discuss this revelation
and what the Ensign did.
The Captain says, “I’ve sailed through storms
and fierce typhoons at sea.
I’ve commanded ships in battle,
which is an awesome responsibility.
A naval officer requires
both confidence and grit.
Your word becomes your bond, my son,
so don’t be a stupid shit.
Be steady as an oak tree, lad,
cut strong and freshly hewn.
And never sound General Quarters
for a bright and rising moon.”
“Secure from General Quarters”
echoes through the ship.
“Now go and stand your watch, my son,
and no more drama on this trip.”
The X.O.’s back in the shower
and the captain’s back in bed.
The Chiefs are back to poker
as we steam full speed ahead.